Not sure what is up with Tripod. Some people are complaining they are getting "Trojans" from ads on my blog. I've emailed Tripod/Lycos and did everything they told me to do. If my popups are blocked, I don't seem to have a problem. Otherwise, Norton's picks it up and deletes it. I've run Norton so many times, and it comes up clean. I wonder how reassured I should be with that.

My days are very long and lonely. I miss my husband so very much. I still have hope in my heart for our marriage.

DD and I went out of town for the day yesterday. She ended up with a bellybutton piercing and a new digital camera. I got myself a self help book. She did very well with the piercing; way stronger and tougher than me. I would never have been able to do that. But she really really wanted it.

Started writing in an old fashioned journal tonight. Hope it's therapeutic to write freely. I've read in a few articles how it's good to journal, so I'm going to put all my thoughts down on paper.

Plan on doing some cardmaking and scrapbooking tomorrow, as long as the weather doesn't get too hot. My scrapbook room can be a cooker in the summer. Also should work on dd's new bedroom; I was hoping she would help scrape the fiberwall off. *sigh* She's either working long hours at her job or at friends. Life of a teenager.

"To accomplish great things we must not only act, but also dream. Not only plan, but also believe."
A. France

Today's happiness is easy! Our dear friends had their twins today. Two beautiful health baby girls! Everything went well and I'm just so thrilled for them. I'm hoping that I might even be able to go and see them tomorrow. A true blessing.

The hydrangea bush is surviving and maybe even thriving. Watered it a few nights ago and even gave it some Miracle Gro.

sleep
For years I've had struggles with sleep. Blame it mostly on shift work. Also had issues of not sleeping with dh was away.

Sleep eludes me now. 3-5 hours total a night. I try to go to bed thinking positive thoughts, looking at my joy journal, thinking happy things. I usually end up crying myself to sleep. TV on. I wake up a few times, usually from bad dreams. And then it's like clockwork, I usually wake up at 5am. So nauseated.

The mind is a powerful thing. It's winning the battle right now; my body is suffering. A viscious cycle. Mind is going a million miles a minute, body can't relax and shut down to get proper sleep, tired all day, mind goes even faster. Thinking, thinking, thinking. I wonder how long my body will be able to keep up before it gives up and collapses.

The past five days have been hell for me. The risk of losing my husband and marriage, have shown me, just how much I love him. I'm learning a lot.


"When the world says, "Give up,"
Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."

"Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come." Anne Lamott

"Hope is putting faith to work when doubting would be easier."

"Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable."
Bruce Lee

"New love is the brightest, and long love is the greatest; but revived love is
the tenderest thing known on earth."
Thomas Hardy

"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed
is always to try just one more time."
Thomas Edison

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal. It is the Courage to continue, that counts." Winston Churchill

It's really hard to think of "what is your happiness today" when going through such immense emotional pain of a separation. I am not planning on blogging about this situation; it's very painful and personal. But, will I'm sure affect the tone of the blog.

Out of so much sadness, here is some positives I've come up with..

1. My estranged dh bought me a portable air conditioner today for the bedroom. I've never tolerated the heat well and sleeping has been miserable at best. It's going right now so hopefully I might get some sleep tonight. He does care about me and wants me to be comfortable.

2. The hydrangea bush finally bloomed. Exciting as I wasn't sure it would happen. The bush itself is big and green but because I forget to water and feed it, I didn't know if I'd get flowers.

3. Got a phone call from a dear mutual friend a few days ago and that really helped. I didn't feel so alone after that call.

4. The "chicks" came over last night and chatted, trying to take my mind off of things. They are good people.

5. I got the 2006-2007 Stampin Up Catalogue.

Happy belated Canada Day.

Today's happiness:

My wonderful dd had a great report card yesterday. 3A's, 6B's and 1C+. Great comments from all her teachers. In September, it's grade 11!!! Am very proud of my girl. She has a world of opportunities open for her and I hope she reaches for them.